To the fathers of daughters #1

Awhile back I was asked to write a letter to a young, first-time dad on Father’s Day…

So, you made a baby? Not that big of a deal – that’s the easy part! Shortly, the real work begins.

I remember watching the birth of my first child, Nathan. Chris delivered very quickly, and they took him away to get cleaned up. We were there in the room, sort of in shock. They brought him back in – and left him with us. He started crying, and Chris was holding him. I recall having a moment of panic, not like “I wish this weren’t happening”, rather, “This is a HUGE responsibility! There’s no going back – this human is completely dependent on Chris and I for the next several years. Our lives completely change starting now.”

And so the job of parenting began. Here’s what I have learned so far about this job.

God’s job description for parents on this journey is found in Deuteronomy 6:

4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Notice the active parenting words… love, impress, talk, sit, walk, lie down, get up, tie, bind, write. Parenting is an active job. To restate this passage in a ‘parent mission’ statement…

“Parenting is a covenant relationship to mold and model God’s life into my child.”

• “Covenant” means this is a serious responsibility, commitment, contract
• “relationship” means the basis of parenting is love, sharing your life
• “mold” means active work to shape the life of your children
• “model” means you must walk the talk, be the sermon, show the way as you go the way
• “God life” = content of parenting, not make living / how to live, but how to have God in my life

Parenting is a moving stream, it changes as your kids grow. You won’t parent 18 year olds the same way you parented 18 month olds. Chris and I have parented through births, miscarriages, elementary, puberty, adolescence. You pass through these 3 stages of parenting, like kids grow through stages of life: craftsman, coach, consultant.

to be continued…